Helsinki, March 2012
So here I am in Finland, 3 months so far, It is June and I feel cold, I have felt cold since last september, not complaining, but being a Colombian (don't forget the fact that Bogota is 20 degrees average, 25 max), I dont have the winter in my blood, Christmas in Colombia has always been another month, 20 degrees average, with a lot lot amount of christmas ligghting, more parties than usual, christmas food shared here and there by aunts and neighbours, a little more robbery than usual in the streets, and christmas has been the whole december, including gifts oppening on 24th midnight, anyway nothing related to cold and snow.
so here I am in Finland, It would be nice to describe my day:
Well, I was saying, lunch, then more work, at 6 I usually have chinesse dinner, we have a chinese cheff and food is really good, and much better than going home and cook or eating expensive outside. I took the bus back to home, grabbed my bicicle and went for a riding, not so much energy today but I needed to feel the ramp I have 10 minutes away and some fresh air. I am now back home, it is 23:00 and still clear outside.
I could write much about helsinki, I am an observer, i notice behaviours, I discover new things in the streets, things that only a foreigner could notice, things that only a Colombian could notice.
I recently feel again how it feels to walk with no sand in the streets, they put little stones everywhere to fight the snow in the pavement, so winter means: a big jacket, never forget the gloves at home, a cap in cold days, good shoes, sand in the pavement and a long snow melting, Snow was gone 1 month ago, it is weird but now I don't remember so well how it was it in winter.
_
I found a great book, I was deperate since i finished 1Q84 here, but I found a public library with books in spanish, so I went just before it closed and picked 1 book from the shelfs, I love to feel the books and chose one, this one is amazingly good, I like it, I mean, it is called "el desorden de tu nombre".
Tampere, Ago 2012
I can't stop telling about Finland, now I am back, this time to Tampere, and now I am in a train traveling north to Ylivieska, my travel mate, a guy from Israel, like a mirror of what I dont have to be, he stares and flittler to every pretty girl who will never answer back to him. What a strange and happyless people, what a quiet and soul-less. I am not egocentric but I feel much much happy than any of the silent people seating in the trian or in the bus, I have so many experiences and storries to tell, I can just hold myself and smile.
I had a crazy night, aafter work I went for a walk, 8 pm and a sunny ans warm day, people having beer in the river of the little lakes in the city, or drinking coffe in the terraces of the restaurants, it is unavoidable to feel a little sad for being alone, I would like to share with them, to have friends, at least to talk with somebody! Spanish language is so far away from me, and if you think about it, a single day without talking to anyone in any language, not even in a shop, make you quiter and quiter, sad and mad... It has been many days for me no talking to almost anyone.. again, sad people, soulless and dragging me to their sadnes and empty life.
In my office in tampere there are only 5 people, they dont say hello, they dont invite to go for lunch, so I end eating myself anywhere, they dont say good bye at the end of the day, sometimes I rise my head and I find alone in my 5 people office, I have decided to try hard, to keep what I like about me and my culture, greeting, talking, asking.... it is poitless with them, after 3 months in Helsinki, sharing with a 20 people office colleages, I ended going out with chinese and mostly being alone, sometimes somebody brought cake and used to leave it in the coffe area, some chinese and finish gathered and eat, I am new, coming from another continent and working hard for them, however nvited me and I never knew what was the weekly cake for. I expect so much from people, in colombia we do and we offer.
Few times I ate with finish, last time I did, I had to say at the end of the lunch 'Sorry guys, I dont understand finish, you should know'. I never searched for them again. Maybe nice people still. I don't know, maybe they just have a different chip I dont understand.
So I was telling about my night, I walked and walked, hoping for something to happen, just as it has happened in other countries, in Japan I was always welcome and people even wanted photos with me)people came and went, talking, a smile once a while, look ok, look conftable, far from happy, pretty girls wearing short pants and beach-like clothes, maybe not true, but my impresion is Im sure they are bored, anyway nothing happens in theitr life and they are not opened to new things. I was listening to a concert, eating some street food, after 2 hours of nice music, i talked to the fatty girl seated next to me, who refused to answer my greetings, I had to say.. hey, its ok, if you dont want to talk, just say it, and I leave. Later I met a Colombian friend and his brazilian friend, we came into the most popular dancing club, fancy, full with young pretty people, including us of course :) we felt good, tequila was so cheap and music good, and I didn't feel like talking to girls, they dont have that passion that atracts men, I didn't find the way of approaching and few attemps of say hello went to a disaster. It requieres effort to keep pace in a place like this, beach holydays looking city, preety people in the streets and sunny long days (22 hours sun every day)... I feel good when I keep the pace and tranquility and I feel awful when I fall into desparation and I try to force things to happen.
I left the disco at 2 am, tipsy and walking I was aboarded by a metal dressed guy, hat, skinny guy, boats and long hair, a cd on his hands, proud of his metal band demo, he invited to seat me, then to his bar, where hi was his his band mates... so we went to the metal bad looking bar... surprisely i was so welcome, they treated me as if i were a important guest comming from oher lands, free beer and drinks, chatting, for any reason I don't know, they said bye saying 'thank you for saving the day'... hey I am not a day saver, I am not a party guy or a party amuser, anyway they were glad and they gave me a different impression of finland. Back in my hotel room I felt like calling a mountain-capital ghost, someone who would always understand me and who would be with me even when I am alone.
Helsinki, Nov 2012
Here again.
This time I come in a different mood, Having broken with Maria, now living by myself in Stockholm, in a foreign country so far away from home and no reasons at all to be there, I came to Finland and I dont care to stay here 1 whole month, I really need the lonelyness this country attacks me with and my thoughs are now all with Camille, but that is a long romantic story, just think that she is my love.
Anyway, I really need to be alone for a while.
I woke up at 6 am today, shower, musli for breakfast and leving, 7 am, dark and cold outside, windy as well, and since I leave the building I think of the amazing place I am, sad and amazing, not green eanymore, gray and brown rise to remain you there is a sad side in your mind, thoughs inmediatly space from me as fast as my hands look for my warm pockets, the backpack is heavy and full with unnecesary staff and every step is a though. Buses comming, slept minded people waiting for the bus and no sound in the air, I still enjoy for myself felling the different one in the bus stop, or in the bus. The bus comes at 20 kph and someone fully covered with jackets and reflectors shows a reflective card to the driver, who mechanically stops, when juping in, I sometimes think that nobody at all smiles in the bus, so I laugh for myself and smile, trying to catch people's reactions and I feel they look at me a little more, or sometimes I just jump in the bus and forgot to smile and then I look for a free double seat, just as the rest of the finish, and I feel bad and corrupted, because I am becoming someone I dont like, anyway I know nobody will seat with me, unless no other seats available, then this person will NOT look at me at all, not even in the corner of the eye, sometimes not even when getting off.
It is anyway interesting, sometimes 10 little 4 year old kids get in the bus with the teacher, and dress with an anti-cold anti-dirt overall, cap and gloves, they look funny and fat, still pretty with their clear eyes and blond hair. Reading my Vargas Llosa book, I made it to the train station on time, watching more and more people in an impresive station, I took a coffe, not knowing how to say 'little' I show the 'little' sign with my fingers and they understood, already in the train, I saw the most simple and pretty girl I ever saw in Helsinki, maybe not pretty for many, but nice to my eyes and I started my experiment, staring at her and waiting for her reaction, I was in front of her and she never saw me in the eye, so my personal subjective experiment was successful, girls will not see you unless necessary.
1 hour train to Lahti, walking to the work place and get in to the basement and work with 2 nice finish men, I like Finish names, they are short and powerful, like Arttu, Juha, Kary, Timo, Kimo, Vesa, Rabbe, Yari, Ilmo. Lunch with them, delicious and with some chatting and little eye contact, still nice.
After work, 30 minutes walking in Lahti's forest, 30 minutes reading in the train station and 1 hour in the train back to Helsinki, I saw 2 girls talking, one picked up the phone and talked for 20 minutes, under the other's boringness. In Colombia that is considered unrespectfull, it is allowed in the nordics. The train is quiet, clean and nice, Finish are well organized and trustable, peacefull, quiet.
Walking to my favorite library... closed, walking to my secont favorite library... graeat, opened, I found a given away Jules Vern book that I will ask later for the title and that will fit Camille's and mine library some day. Inside, a pretty sofa under a big plant and a Beethoven violin concert rack of CDs played in a Cd player intended for the readers... great, nice time there.
Out in Helsinki, there is a friday feeling, people out, talking more than usual, some new sounds and movements, ant the (again.. personal) feeling that nobody will neither disturbme, neither talk to me. Nobody will ask me the time, or say hello, or try to sell me anything, or wander where I come from or how my country 15000 km away looks like. strange feeling, I am a no one in the streets I now know much better. 5 eur pizza and off I go home again in the 20 kmp bus.
Now in my home, in my controlled loneliness, not anymore in the uncontrolled loneliless of the outside. And that was my day!
Turku, June 2013.
Filnand one more time, now for David& Heinis's marriage party.
I was living in Oslo, with Camille, Marriage was on June 30 and July 4th was my last day in my company, I decided to quit my great job as engineer in Norway to move south, near home, not to Colombia, but to China, Camille got 1 year job in China, her salary would be 6 times lower than my current salary, but I thank her for taking me out of the hard-easy life of the nordics, I lived there for 2 years. (I write this from China, where we have been living for 2 months so far).
So I quit my company, we took a flight Oslo-Stockholm, then we took a 1 night cruise Stockholm-Turku, sounds like luxury? not at all, flight was 60 EUR and the cruise was 20 EUR. In Stockholm we meet Norbey and Diana, they were steping there in their way to turku, so we took the cruise together. The cruise is great, I like it, quiet, with bars and cheap restaurants and a great view all the time, night and day. We made it to Turku at 7 am, then we walked a lot to their apartment, but they werent there, so we took a bus to the prty place, a town 1 hour away Turku, beautiful place, all the guests stayed in a cabin and the party was in Heini´s parents farm, finish landscape is flat, with grass and blue sky.
After Turku we took a flight to Riga, stayed 1 day there and went back to Oslo, just to finish packing and take our flight to Paris, 2 days later we were flying to Colombia! Finally! but thats another story!
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